do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
