it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the day after is always just damage control
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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