Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
