You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
