some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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