Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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