OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
