If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
