I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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