Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
