I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
