Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize