I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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