I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
