exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
