I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
