a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
