those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I currently don't understand fingers.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
