Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
