yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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