Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
