the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
