Your face is a jimmy john
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
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