I can tuck mytits in my pants
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
