we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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