You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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