At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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