KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize