whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
