My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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