It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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