My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i came on her dog
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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