He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize