if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
