I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
