Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
