They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Life is so much better after having sex.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
