I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
