i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
