all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
