I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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