Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
