I wish I could punch you in the face.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
