how can u be prego again
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
