Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
