I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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