We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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