Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
