I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
