i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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