She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
