I could have mohawked her pubes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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