when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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