i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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