I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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