my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
