you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
