Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
