What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
