I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
