I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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