I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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