if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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