like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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