Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
