The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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