dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
