I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
