true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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