My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
