It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
