I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
