easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize