Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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