I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
