Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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