I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
